Post by Archivist~Bel on Feb 21, 2006 10:20:30 GMT -5
From the Mail-box of Renisar
Author: Renisar
Link:http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-realm-scarletcrusade&t=156286&p=1&tmp=1#post156286
Renisar,
While I understand your eagerness to serve the light, I must in good conscience refuse your request to join the efforts of the Argent Dawn in the Plaguelands.
Given the debilitating sickness you endured in Dustwallow Marsh, and considering the advice of your physician, I think it would be disastrous to send you out to fight the strongest evils of the world again so directly. Sir Anselm will be temporarily taking up your duties as spiritual commander of the Second Crusade.
There is something else, however. For a long time now I have been seeking to create a charitable branch of the church that would seek to ameliorate the effects of war. Chief among its goals would be raising the orphans of war in a safe, secure environment. As you are in Stormwind, I am sure you have noticed the regrettable situation with the young and poverty stricken.
If this is of interest to you, write me back at your earliest convenience.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Renisar,
I am pleased by your enthusiasm. In the interests of pursuing the establishment of this charity, I have included a package of letterheads with my signature. You may use these letters to recruit those you think will most help the cause. I have included a small list of qualified candidates, but I leave it up to your personal discretion.
I have also enclosed a sizable dispensement to fund your charitable activities.
As For the Orphans is now a recognized and distinct charity, the church will be unable to siphon anything but the smallest of funds your way. It will be up to you to secure donations to fund the organization from this point forward.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Honored Reverend,
My dwarf and I have heard many good things about your organization. I am writing on behalf of both of us to request a lowly title among your volunteers. It is my sworn duty to teach my dwarf proper civilized conduct and lead him down the Lighted path. I believe that, with a little time and guidance, he will be so very for the orphans that his goodness becomes legendary. There is little to concern yourself over me. I am a paladin and already involved in charity. I trust that our combined service will be welcomed forthrightly.
In the Light we stand,
Vivat
P.S. My dwarf has a bear. I will make sure it stays well fed. Respond with haste if there are problems with accomodations for a bear. Thank you.
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
For the Orphans, a charitable organization operating out of Stormwind City does owe certain funds, debts, and other entitlements to the Western Sun Shipping Company for the following purchased and delivered items:
Three hundred linen blankets.
Twenty yards of treated Duskwood lumber.
Twenty buckets of nails.
Five buckets of teal paint (surcharge of 2g for magical perservation).
Ten buckets of white paint (surcharge of 3g for magical perservation).
Two buckets of red paint (surcharge of 50s for magical perservation).
Five ingots purified silver.
Fifty reams of ivory parchment.
Twenty pots of ink.
Please remit the payment to the accounting offices of DeLyle and Shale at your earliest opportunity.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
While we realize the many concerns that a charitable organization may face at any given time are overwhelming, the accounting offices of DeLyle and Shale hold a very firm no-exceptions policy. Furthermore, we do not consider our request for immediate payment to in anyway make us against the orphans.
If we do not receive the payment for past services rendered within five business days, we will be passing this case onto our collection agency.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To The Person Who Burned Down Our Collection Agency,
While we have no way of proving that the shadowy figure who burned the offices of our collection agency to the ground was in any way associated with For the Orphans, we nevertheless have relayed our suspicions to two authorities:
The Stormwind city guard, and Roger 'The Executioner' Mercutio.
We would like to take this time to express our apologies if Mr. Mercutio reaches you before your payment reaches us.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for your prompt payment. Mr. Mercutio has been called off.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
Renisar,
I am pleased with your progress. It seems like not a day goes by when I do not hear about your charity. More tellingly, I can't recall the last time I saw an unattended orphan wandering the streets.
Still, I have received some troubling complaints from a shop-owner in the Trade District. He claims that you barged into his shop one day and ferried away all his children employees, on account of poor working conditions. While I understand how deplorable these "sweat-shops" can seem, I feel inclined to warn you that you may find yourself in hot water with the merchants' league.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Reverend,
I am writing you on behalf of a city merchant who claims that you stole his indentured laborers from beneath his very nose.
As you know, this is serious crime, equivelant to property theft in mass.
He requests the immediate return of the children involved.
I await your reply.
Signed,
Baros Alexston
City Architect, Acting Magistrate
~*~
Reverend,
After careful consideration of your points, I have decided to withdraw the complaint of the aforementioned merchant. I am told he has taken to the confessionary after hearing the heartbreak and grief he has caused the poor children at the orphanage.
I remain most assuredly for the orphans.
Signed,
Baros Alexston
City Architect, Acting Magistrate
~POST 2~
Dear "Renisar",
I'd be DELIGHTED to join you on your latest endeavour. Now, my only concern is the small issue of my estate...
You see, the tax men have been rather insistent of late that I pay tithes to the strange and alien god of twisted finance they worship. I have so far evaded their uncouth attempts to ransack my belongings, but I see a solution.
Insofar as I am helping you with my various skills--which we shall, for the purpose of future litigation, not detail here--I would be eternally in your debt if you would allow me to "donate" all my possessions to the charitable cause of For the Orphans. Remain assured that although I am also joining said organization, this is in no way a cheap tax shelter.
Regards,
Maezius
~*~
Honored Reverend,
Mr. Van Cleef has refused to make any donation to the cause of the orphans. I am writing to you to request permission to take a few of our best men and women to pay a personal visit to Mr. Van Cleef, to better persuade him.
Signed,
Vond
Collections Specialist
~*~
Honored Reverend,
As per procedure, ample time and the following letter have been allowed:
Edwin Darling,
It has come to the attention of FOR THE ORPHANS that your organization creates more orphans than it feeds. This is unacceptable. Please deliver the requested amount of coppers, linens, porridge, and small stones with sad faces painted on them to the registry at Stormwind at once. We know where you live and we have the cat.
Master VanCleef has proven noncompliant with procedure. FOR THE ORPHANS in its infinite benevolence has, for the purposes of enlightening Master VanCleef to the merits of charity, elected to spare the services of THREE (3) agents including your historian, the consulting services of Jubilation who assures us she knows nothing concerning the whereabouts of your fire essences, and some elf.
Let it be on record that reckless hexing on the part of Belpad and lewd and unseemly comments by one wayward Timmy who goes by 'DeVorn' have, by the incidence of our arrival, compromized my delicate health no less than twice. Your unworthy historian would humbly remind you that a forward on the requested Eldre'thalian mana shards would do well to keep him in contented spirits.
The true heart of the Defias' might has been revealed: cheap goblin labor. Housing an entire foundry in a cave underlying farmland is a questionable practice at best, and our consultant confirms that the ventilation is unregulatory. This will undoubtedly require a second visit (recall that our purpose tonight is singular), but more pressing than slow, cruel death by coal lung is the matter of being up to our knees in orphan-hating goblins.
Unfortunately, the ship's master himself was far more reluctant. Enclosed is the distressing pictocam record of our difficulties in procuring orphan support from Master VanCleef. We trust that the shots are clear and understandable. The sacrifices we have made for the cause are great and haunt us to this moment like a waking nightmare. Your historian humbly suggests that appropriate compensation include portions of last month's moonwell samples and at least one volume of vision dust. Recall that the timeliness of deliveries depends heavily on his concentration and morale.
Signed,
Vond
Collections Specialist
~*~
Renisar,
Normally I would not write to you about such matters, but in this case I think it concerns you directly.
Recently, the Lady Prestor was unmasked as a manipulative draconic deceiver. A band of stalwart adventurers chased the dark lady to her lair, and defeated her. While I am sure you noticed her fearsome head hanging from the walls of Stormwind, it is what followed that I write to you about.
One of the adventurers approached me and in all confidence told me about some of his discussions with the villagers of Theramore before he set out to fight the vile Onyxia. It appears that the villagers of Theramore have tales of a serpentine beast that lurks in the marshes of Dustwallow, and attacks its prey from hiding, with a swift and debilitating toxin.
I realize your memory of what happened in Dustwallow is not perfect, but I suspect there may be a link between the sickness you experienced and this toxin. Furthermore, given your occasional spells of weakness, I suspect that this is no ordinary sickness that has completely left you.
The adventurer tells me that a cure for the toxin could be derived from the dead body of the serpent. If you wish, I would be more than willing to explore this possibility.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Renisar,
I am perplexed by your adamant stance. Despite what you say, it is clear to me the sickness is not completely gone from you--Brother Maezius has spoken to me briefly of one of your spells of weakness, and it sounds severe enough to warrant any and all efforts to cure it.
Yet... it is your decision at last. I suppose I can understand the desire to overcome a travail through strength of faith alone.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Dear Renisar,
From my talks with the Bishop, I suspect he is geniunely worried about your health. Your... insistence that he not investigate the toxin could prove troubling for us. Concern could easily change to suspicion.
I suggest writing him and counseling a small, explorative expedition to Dustwallow. As we both know, they will find nothing.
Regards,
Maezius
~*~
Your Most Honored Reverend,
During the course of my various exploits, adventures, and histrionic travels in service of For the Orphans, it has struck me how poor our dear organization truly is.
I speak not of riches, good sir, but the wealth that can only be found with a pouch of fresh turnips beneath your belt.
Does anything compare to the crisp snap of a turnip just off the root? The subtle flavor of--(curiously, at this point in the letter, the words 'subtle flavor' are underlined and a series of frantic question marks have been jotted around it, as if whoever received it was disagreeing)--turnip stew? I submit that there is nothing to compare to the infinite bounty of the noble turnip.
As such, I am requesting a paltry dispensation to enliven the cooking of our fair orphanage with the taste of fresh turnip. About five hundred gold ought to do it!
(Quality turnips aren't cheap, mind. You don't want cheap, cast-off ones, or you'll end up like my uncle Jan, waking up next to irritable gryphons, forgetting the stew is on, putting too much gel in the gelatin... The list goes on.)
500 gold pieces,
Just think of the turnips we could get,
Miriam Jansen
~POST 3~
Renisar,
I am heartened by your reconsideration.
I will dispatch an investigative expedition at once. You understand, of course, that it will be a small project. A few mercenaries, a physician, perhaps a scholar.
I shall inform you of their reports from Dustwallow as they arise.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Dear Renisar,
When you invited me into this latest project of yours, I thought to myself: 'Ah, my old friend has finally discovered the merits of self-aggrandizement and idle wealth.'
But no... it's become clear to me that this is all just some sick game of yours to connive me into conjuring forth wanton succubi maiden once more.
Nevertheless, I find the documents you've sent me intriguing. Immediately, I can tell you that this "true name" you've provided me with is neither Nathrezim or Eredar; the two races have fairly predictable naming practices, and it fits neither. This means we could be seeking to conjure forth a creature of great power, or a mere imp.
On to business: I have included a list of the things I will need. The usual bits and pieces. Blood of the innocents, the curdled milk of a plague-ridden sow, the tears of a Satyr... you know the drill.
Given how well the business is going, this should be no trouble.
Signed,
Maezius
~*~
To The Proper Authority,
I couldn't help but notice your advertisement for a chef to handle the growing needs of your orphanage.
Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is... Pac le Fudge. In my homeland (you would not have heard of it: it is unforgivably distant, and indecently civilized) cooking is not a skill.
No, good sir, it is an ART, and I am the foremost of its artists. Indeed, you could say that I am doing YOU a favor in graciously allowing you to hire my services. Like all artists, I have my muse. I find young children precocious and endearing, and I always follow their desire... in the culinary ways, of course.
I await your tremblingly eager acceptance and salary quote.
Pac le Fudge
Master Chef
(At the bottom of this letter, a small note has been scribbled, clearly at a later date: "Sounds like a bit of a creep. Write something generic and rejecting without being mean about it? Probably has a fragile ego.")
~*~
To The Villain Who Rejected My Kind Offer,
Never has Pac le Fudge been so insulted. Yet, he thinks to himself, perhaps this poor, deluded madman who calls himself Renisar does not understand the depth and wonder of Pac's artistry...
So I will forgive you this once. Understand that when I say I am the world's best chef, I am speaking the truth that sears the ears of devious, lying devils.
Know this: Pac le Fudge cannot lie, and Pac le Fudge cannot do anything but create the world's most delicious, most inspired dishes.
Perhaps you think Pac's cooking is too expensive for your means? Perhaps you would be right... if you are the sort of morally bankrupt man who would deprive children of their just culinary heritage simply to line your own mendacious pockets.
I await your correspondonce with mild indigestion.
Pac le Fudge
World's Greatest Chef
(Another note has been scribbled at the end of this letter: "I notice he has graduated from 'Master' to 'World's Greatest'. Maybe we can pursue some legal avenue to get this guy to stop mailing us? Consult the city magistrate.")
~*~
Dear Renisar,
All things are in readiness. I have received your shipment, and am currently putting the final touches on the wards. For future reference, we have chosen a small cave along the southern coast of Ashenvale. It seems that a particularly powerful astral leyline runs through the area... I suspect that this is what made it so easy for the Old Gods' corruption to seep into Black Fathom Deeps.
Tonight, we will conduct the ritual. I will write to you after its completion. One thing: I caution you to burn this letter and any prior correspondence on this subject. For the future, such should be our practice. For the Orphans is enjoying a certain success, and it is inevitable that your personal belongings will eventually become part of the collective archives of the organization.
Signed,
Maezius
Author: Renisar
Link:http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-realm-scarletcrusade&t=156286&p=1&tmp=1#post156286
Renisar,
While I understand your eagerness to serve the light, I must in good conscience refuse your request to join the efforts of the Argent Dawn in the Plaguelands.
Given the debilitating sickness you endured in Dustwallow Marsh, and considering the advice of your physician, I think it would be disastrous to send you out to fight the strongest evils of the world again so directly. Sir Anselm will be temporarily taking up your duties as spiritual commander of the Second Crusade.
There is something else, however. For a long time now I have been seeking to create a charitable branch of the church that would seek to ameliorate the effects of war. Chief among its goals would be raising the orphans of war in a safe, secure environment. As you are in Stormwind, I am sure you have noticed the regrettable situation with the young and poverty stricken.
If this is of interest to you, write me back at your earliest convenience.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Renisar,
I am pleased by your enthusiasm. In the interests of pursuing the establishment of this charity, I have included a package of letterheads with my signature. You may use these letters to recruit those you think will most help the cause. I have included a small list of qualified candidates, but I leave it up to your personal discretion.
I have also enclosed a sizable dispensement to fund your charitable activities.
As For the Orphans is now a recognized and distinct charity, the church will be unable to siphon anything but the smallest of funds your way. It will be up to you to secure donations to fund the organization from this point forward.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Honored Reverend,
My dwarf and I have heard many good things about your organization. I am writing on behalf of both of us to request a lowly title among your volunteers. It is my sworn duty to teach my dwarf proper civilized conduct and lead him down the Lighted path. I believe that, with a little time and guidance, he will be so very for the orphans that his goodness becomes legendary. There is little to concern yourself over me. I am a paladin and already involved in charity. I trust that our combined service will be welcomed forthrightly.
In the Light we stand,
Vivat
P.S. My dwarf has a bear. I will make sure it stays well fed. Respond with haste if there are problems with accomodations for a bear. Thank you.
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
For the Orphans, a charitable organization operating out of Stormwind City does owe certain funds, debts, and other entitlements to the Western Sun Shipping Company for the following purchased and delivered items:
Three hundred linen blankets.
Twenty yards of treated Duskwood lumber.
Twenty buckets of nails.
Five buckets of teal paint (surcharge of 2g for magical perservation).
Ten buckets of white paint (surcharge of 3g for magical perservation).
Two buckets of red paint (surcharge of 50s for magical perservation).
Five ingots purified silver.
Fifty reams of ivory parchment.
Twenty pots of ink.
Please remit the payment to the accounting offices of DeLyle and Shale at your earliest opportunity.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
While we realize the many concerns that a charitable organization may face at any given time are overwhelming, the accounting offices of DeLyle and Shale hold a very firm no-exceptions policy. Furthermore, we do not consider our request for immediate payment to in anyway make us against the orphans.
If we do not receive the payment for past services rendered within five business days, we will be passing this case onto our collection agency.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To The Person Who Burned Down Our Collection Agency,
While we have no way of proving that the shadowy figure who burned the offices of our collection agency to the ground was in any way associated with For the Orphans, we nevertheless have relayed our suspicions to two authorities:
The Stormwind city guard, and Roger 'The Executioner' Mercutio.
We would like to take this time to express our apologies if Mr. Mercutio reaches you before your payment reaches us.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for your prompt payment. Mr. Mercutio has been called off.
Signed,
Actuary Bairnes
~*~
Renisar,
I am pleased with your progress. It seems like not a day goes by when I do not hear about your charity. More tellingly, I can't recall the last time I saw an unattended orphan wandering the streets.
Still, I have received some troubling complaints from a shop-owner in the Trade District. He claims that you barged into his shop one day and ferried away all his children employees, on account of poor working conditions. While I understand how deplorable these "sweat-shops" can seem, I feel inclined to warn you that you may find yourself in hot water with the merchants' league.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Reverend,
I am writing you on behalf of a city merchant who claims that you stole his indentured laborers from beneath his very nose.
As you know, this is serious crime, equivelant to property theft in mass.
He requests the immediate return of the children involved.
I await your reply.
Signed,
Baros Alexston
City Architect, Acting Magistrate
~*~
Reverend,
After careful consideration of your points, I have decided to withdraw the complaint of the aforementioned merchant. I am told he has taken to the confessionary after hearing the heartbreak and grief he has caused the poor children at the orphanage.
I remain most assuredly for the orphans.
Signed,
Baros Alexston
City Architect, Acting Magistrate
~POST 2~
Dear "Renisar",
I'd be DELIGHTED to join you on your latest endeavour. Now, my only concern is the small issue of my estate...
You see, the tax men have been rather insistent of late that I pay tithes to the strange and alien god of twisted finance they worship. I have so far evaded their uncouth attempts to ransack my belongings, but I see a solution.
Insofar as I am helping you with my various skills--which we shall, for the purpose of future litigation, not detail here--I would be eternally in your debt if you would allow me to "donate" all my possessions to the charitable cause of For the Orphans. Remain assured that although I am also joining said organization, this is in no way a cheap tax shelter.
Regards,
Maezius
~*~
Honored Reverend,
Mr. Van Cleef has refused to make any donation to the cause of the orphans. I am writing to you to request permission to take a few of our best men and women to pay a personal visit to Mr. Van Cleef, to better persuade him.
Signed,
Vond
Collections Specialist
~*~
Honored Reverend,
As per procedure, ample time and the following letter have been allowed:
Edwin Darling,
It has come to the attention of FOR THE ORPHANS that your organization creates more orphans than it feeds. This is unacceptable. Please deliver the requested amount of coppers, linens, porridge, and small stones with sad faces painted on them to the registry at Stormwind at once. We know where you live and we have the cat.
Master VanCleef has proven noncompliant with procedure. FOR THE ORPHANS in its infinite benevolence has, for the purposes of enlightening Master VanCleef to the merits of charity, elected to spare the services of THREE (3) agents including your historian, the consulting services of Jubilation who assures us she knows nothing concerning the whereabouts of your fire essences, and some elf.
Let it be on record that reckless hexing on the part of Belpad and lewd and unseemly comments by one wayward Timmy who goes by 'DeVorn' have, by the incidence of our arrival, compromized my delicate health no less than twice. Your unworthy historian would humbly remind you that a forward on the requested Eldre'thalian mana shards would do well to keep him in contented spirits.
The true heart of the Defias' might has been revealed: cheap goblin labor. Housing an entire foundry in a cave underlying farmland is a questionable practice at best, and our consultant confirms that the ventilation is unregulatory. This will undoubtedly require a second visit (recall that our purpose tonight is singular), but more pressing than slow, cruel death by coal lung is the matter of being up to our knees in orphan-hating goblins.
Unfortunately, the ship's master himself was far more reluctant. Enclosed is the distressing pictocam record of our difficulties in procuring orphan support from Master VanCleef. We trust that the shots are clear and understandable. The sacrifices we have made for the cause are great and haunt us to this moment like a waking nightmare. Your historian humbly suggests that appropriate compensation include portions of last month's moonwell samples and at least one volume of vision dust. Recall that the timeliness of deliveries depends heavily on his concentration and morale.
Signed,
Vond
Collections Specialist
~*~
Renisar,
Normally I would not write to you about such matters, but in this case I think it concerns you directly.
Recently, the Lady Prestor was unmasked as a manipulative draconic deceiver. A band of stalwart adventurers chased the dark lady to her lair, and defeated her. While I am sure you noticed her fearsome head hanging from the walls of Stormwind, it is what followed that I write to you about.
One of the adventurers approached me and in all confidence told me about some of his discussions with the villagers of Theramore before he set out to fight the vile Onyxia. It appears that the villagers of Theramore have tales of a serpentine beast that lurks in the marshes of Dustwallow, and attacks its prey from hiding, with a swift and debilitating toxin.
I realize your memory of what happened in Dustwallow is not perfect, but I suspect there may be a link between the sickness you experienced and this toxin. Furthermore, given your occasional spells of weakness, I suspect that this is no ordinary sickness that has completely left you.
The adventurer tells me that a cure for the toxin could be derived from the dead body of the serpent. If you wish, I would be more than willing to explore this possibility.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Renisar,
I am perplexed by your adamant stance. Despite what you say, it is clear to me the sickness is not completely gone from you--Brother Maezius has spoken to me briefly of one of your spells of weakness, and it sounds severe enough to warrant any and all efforts to cure it.
Yet... it is your decision at last. I suppose I can understand the desire to overcome a travail through strength of faith alone.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Dear Renisar,
From my talks with the Bishop, I suspect he is geniunely worried about your health. Your... insistence that he not investigate the toxin could prove troubling for us. Concern could easily change to suspicion.
I suggest writing him and counseling a small, explorative expedition to Dustwallow. As we both know, they will find nothing.
Regards,
Maezius
~*~
Your Most Honored Reverend,
During the course of my various exploits, adventures, and histrionic travels in service of For the Orphans, it has struck me how poor our dear organization truly is.
I speak not of riches, good sir, but the wealth that can only be found with a pouch of fresh turnips beneath your belt.
Does anything compare to the crisp snap of a turnip just off the root? The subtle flavor of--(curiously, at this point in the letter, the words 'subtle flavor' are underlined and a series of frantic question marks have been jotted around it, as if whoever received it was disagreeing)--turnip stew? I submit that there is nothing to compare to the infinite bounty of the noble turnip.
As such, I am requesting a paltry dispensation to enliven the cooking of our fair orphanage with the taste of fresh turnip. About five hundred gold ought to do it!
(Quality turnips aren't cheap, mind. You don't want cheap, cast-off ones, or you'll end up like my uncle Jan, waking up next to irritable gryphons, forgetting the stew is on, putting too much gel in the gelatin... The list goes on.)
500 gold pieces,
Just think of the turnips we could get,
Miriam Jansen
~POST 3~
Renisar,
I am heartened by your reconsideration.
I will dispatch an investigative expedition at once. You understand, of course, that it will be a small project. A few mercenaries, a physician, perhaps a scholar.
I shall inform you of their reports from Dustwallow as they arise.
In faith,
Bishop DeLavey
~*~
Dear Renisar,
When you invited me into this latest project of yours, I thought to myself: 'Ah, my old friend has finally discovered the merits of self-aggrandizement and idle wealth.'
But no... it's become clear to me that this is all just some sick game of yours to connive me into conjuring forth wanton succubi maiden once more.
Nevertheless, I find the documents you've sent me intriguing. Immediately, I can tell you that this "true name" you've provided me with is neither Nathrezim or Eredar; the two races have fairly predictable naming practices, and it fits neither. This means we could be seeking to conjure forth a creature of great power, or a mere imp.
On to business: I have included a list of the things I will need. The usual bits and pieces. Blood of the innocents, the curdled milk of a plague-ridden sow, the tears of a Satyr... you know the drill.
Given how well the business is going, this should be no trouble.
Signed,
Maezius
~*~
To The Proper Authority,
I couldn't help but notice your advertisement for a chef to handle the growing needs of your orphanage.
Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is... Pac le Fudge. In my homeland (you would not have heard of it: it is unforgivably distant, and indecently civilized) cooking is not a skill.
No, good sir, it is an ART, and I am the foremost of its artists. Indeed, you could say that I am doing YOU a favor in graciously allowing you to hire my services. Like all artists, I have my muse. I find young children precocious and endearing, and I always follow their desire... in the culinary ways, of course.
I await your tremblingly eager acceptance and salary quote.
Pac le Fudge
Master Chef
(At the bottom of this letter, a small note has been scribbled, clearly at a later date: "Sounds like a bit of a creep. Write something generic and rejecting without being mean about it? Probably has a fragile ego.")
~*~
To The Villain Who Rejected My Kind Offer,
Never has Pac le Fudge been so insulted. Yet, he thinks to himself, perhaps this poor, deluded madman who calls himself Renisar does not understand the depth and wonder of Pac's artistry...
So I will forgive you this once. Understand that when I say I am the world's best chef, I am speaking the truth that sears the ears of devious, lying devils.
Know this: Pac le Fudge cannot lie, and Pac le Fudge cannot do anything but create the world's most delicious, most inspired dishes.
Perhaps you think Pac's cooking is too expensive for your means? Perhaps you would be right... if you are the sort of morally bankrupt man who would deprive children of their just culinary heritage simply to line your own mendacious pockets.
I await your correspondonce with mild indigestion.
Pac le Fudge
World's Greatest Chef
(Another note has been scribbled at the end of this letter: "I notice he has graduated from 'Master' to 'World's Greatest'. Maybe we can pursue some legal avenue to get this guy to stop mailing us? Consult the city magistrate.")
~*~
Dear Renisar,
All things are in readiness. I have received your shipment, and am currently putting the final touches on the wards. For future reference, we have chosen a small cave along the southern coast of Ashenvale. It seems that a particularly powerful astral leyline runs through the area... I suspect that this is what made it so easy for the Old Gods' corruption to seep into Black Fathom Deeps.
Tonight, we will conduct the ritual. I will write to you after its completion. One thing: I caution you to burn this letter and any prior correspondence on this subject. For the future, such should be our practice. For the Orphans is enjoying a certain success, and it is inevitable that your personal belongings will eventually become part of the collective archives of the organization.
Signed,
Maezius